Are you facing a big decision/choice? This may help…

How often were you asked as a child, “what do you want to be?”. Chances are, a lot.

If you’re anything like me, that question could be answered in so many different ways; I have never been able to settle on just one thing. With that being the case, the question of what I want to be/do/achieve can induce so much anxiety that the whole goal gets dropped completely. I don’t really have a concrete answer and, in the absence of clarity, its easy to choose avoidance.

What if we altered that question; added to it. Instead of simply asking “what do you want to be/do/achieve”, don’t you think we should also be asking ourselves “what are you willing to sacrifice”?

Drop the rope…

A few years ago I went to a therapist who taught me the phrase, “drop the rope”. At the time he was talking in the context of a troubled relationship I was in – if both of you are pulling on opposite ends of the same rope, like a tug-of-war, you’re just going to keep pulling, unless one of you chooses to drop the rope. This made so much sense to me and when I applied it to that particular relationship, I immediately developed a magical sense of peace around the whole situation. Moreover, I frequently apply the same concept to so many other life struggles, where I decide that pulling on my end of the rope is causing me more harm than if I simply chose to let go.

Take a moment to think about what’s going on in your life at the moment: are you struggling with someone or something? Are you hanging on to something that perhaps it is time to let go of? Are you battling with a big decision? If so, will asking yourself the question “what am I willing to sacrifice” help at all?

When it comes to making decisions, we cannot choose one thing without simultaneously turning something else away. With every choice you accept, you are choosing to not accept something else. A lot of the time we are not even aware of what we are turning down, or we sub-consciously choose not to think about it. We make a choice and, in the background, outside of our current awareness, we are closing several another doors. When we are unaware of the things we are indirectly saying “no” to, it is really no big deal. The decision is simple.

The struggle comes in when you have to make a choice and you are brutally aware of what you are consequently turning down. For example, if I go back to work, I’m sacrificing that time spent with my children. If I choose to stay home with my children, I am sacrificing growth towards my career goals. These are the kinds of decisions that are so hard to make, because in either situation, the pain of what could potentially be lost is well understood.

Flip the question…

If we stick with the question “what do I want to do/be/achieve?”, then the choice is not made any easier. I want to pursue my career AND spend as much time with my kids as possible. However, what if we flipped the question around and instead asked ourselves, “what am I willing to sacrifice?”.

I don’t know about you, but I find this change of perspective very helpful in the decision-making process. Oftentimes we are far more attached to the possible sacrifices than we are with the possible outcomes. So, if you ask yourself the question in this direction, perhaps the answer will appear far clearer.

Coming back to the notion of dropping the rope – take your time and think about what you are sacrificing every time you choose to hang on to your end of the rope rather simply letting go. Yes, there is the sacrifice that comes from being the one to drop the rope, from being the one to let go. But, is that sacrifice bigger than all the sacrifices you are making by hanging on to something that is clearly not easily going to budge in your favour? Letting go can be beautifully liberating and cleansing if only we could see it as an option.

I am no expert in these things. I am simply a person who has faced her share of big, tough decisions and, with the wisdom that I was privileged to learn from someone wiser than me, I simply wanted to share with you. The hope is that you will find some clarity in whatever it is that you are currently struggling with.

Tara 

Sign up for the mailing list! 

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave

SaveSave