Is It Possible To Love Another Baby This Much?!

My baby girl, Maya, is a little over a year now. She is amazing. I cannot imagine loving her anymore than I do without running this risk of literally bursting from a love overload.

I am also blessed to be pregnant with baby number 2. He/she is arriving in 4 months time (eek), so we will have, for 7 months, 2 under 2! Life is about to get crazy.

I have to be transparent by admitting that this beautiful miracle was a little bit of an oopsie. We are that cautionary tale doctors and midwives tell their patients when asked whether you can fall pregnant while breastfeeding. Well, my loves, the answer is yes you can. Somehow, without a cycle in sight, we managed to stumble across the very first egg to be released, right within those magical and mysterious 5 days. Surely this is meant to be, right?

We suffered a miscarriage before having Maya, so I am humble and respectful of the fact that life is a miracle. It doesn’t just happen the way you think it does when you’re 16. The road to parenthood can be bloody tough.

So now I sit here, my experienced uterus bulging with enthusiasm, and I wonder how on earth it is possible to double the amount of love I already feel?

I have these moments where I feel my unborn angel (Nugget) kick and I get so engrossed with maternal emotion that, for a second, I disconnect from Maya. For that moment, I travel back to when I was pregnant with her – when there were no other kids in the house and I could spend hours simply bonding, marvelling and dreaming. But life is different now. And, when I realise that I have pulled myself away from Maya, I get overrun by guilt and panic.

I know that it doesn’t work like that – that love is not mutually exclusive and it is totally possible to love more than one person with equal intensity. But I still can’t help but worry that my love for my new baby could take away from my love for Maya. Or, that my love for Maya is so overpowering, that Nugget will get less.

I never want either of my children to feel less love than the other. As Nugget enters theworld, I hate the thought of Maya feeling neglected or forgotten. I will not let that happen. At the same time, I want to be able to give Nugget as much love and attention as I was able to give Maya.

Realistically, both of these scenarios have grey areas. Maya IS going to feel a little saddened – after all, she is so used to getting all of my attention, especially as I am a stay-at-home mom. And that breaks my heart. Furthermore, Nugget is never going to be able to get the same amount of attention as Maya did, because now I am a mother of 2.

So, I guess it comes down to the same old answer: continue to try my best and ensure that everything I do is motivated by love.

If you have more than one child and can offer some advice or words of kindness and support, I’d love you to share. 

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