Today I Have Been A Bad Mom

Today I have been a bad mom.

My baby girl, Maya, woke up in a perfectly good mood, but for reasons that only the universe would know, everything went south. Totally out of character, she completely refused her breakfast, beginning the screaming match when I dared to put her in her high chair. With voices arguing in my head, all offering different advice, I decided to take her out and feed her on my lap. This didn’t work either. The screaming continued. What am I missing? What am I ignoring/doing wrong?

No clue.

I picked her up, thinking she just needed to be held. Still the tantrum continued. She arched her back, in a desperate plea to have a need fulfilled that I was clearly neglecting.

At this point I should note that no, there was nothing physically wrong. It wasn’t a “mommy, I’m sore” cry. Just a tantrum.

I followed her confusing, pointing forefinger to try and see where she wanted to go or what she wanted. After a few here and there’s, all seemingly contradicting one another, we found ourselves at the kitchen door. Ok, she wants to go for a walk. That I can do.

We got bundled up for the cold 8:30am temperatures and headed out. My pregnant belly was full of pains during the walk for some reason (perhaps both of my kids were testing me today – the unborn kid included) and it was so cold that my hands were aching as well. But, Maya was happy and sometimes you simply have to pick your battles.

Half way back home, the screaming commenced again. She must be hungry, I thought. I had prepared for that by bringing some snacks with me. Nope, still refused. My belly was still aching so I was reluctant to pick her up, but after about 10 minutes of wailing I gave in. Another battle chosen. Calm, thank goodness.

Once home, I knew I had to try and get her to eat otherwise the nap would be a disaster. Its time for the big guns…the fail safe…the 100%-success-rate food items. I pulled out the blueberries and raspberries. Phew, she was eating. Oh may hat, I could use a drink. Don’t worry…I didn’t 😉

Nap time. Finally. She managed to go down, surprisingly, without too much fussing and I crawled back into bed myself. This bummed me out a lot, because I have been trying really hard to use naps as a time to be personally productive. Now I was on the back foot for the rest of the day. And, thanks to the continuous parenting defeats, I knew I’d have to make a giant emotional u-turn before productivity would be possible.

In conclusion, I feel like a totally awful mom today. I was unable to make my baby happy, meet her needs or keep my own emotions stable and, guess what?! Its not even noon yet.

I guess that’s how it goes sometimes. I’ll just keep trying. 

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