My miscarriage is no secret and our baby deserves to be mourned

*This was written a few days after I had my miscarriage. It is raw and unedited – exactly as I wrote it at the time.

Going through an early miscarriage is generally not something that gets talked about. For one thing, as it happens before 12 weeks, chances are you haven’t told many people so, when the miscarriage happens, you just *simply keep that quiet too.

I put an asterisk next to “simply” because there is nothing simple about it. Suffering in silence is difficult and, I now believe, unnecessary.

When you first fall pregnant, you read a lot about your chances of having a miscarriage and pray, quietly to yourself, that you will not be one of THOSE people. To our detriment, we read stories online about how mothers started bleeding at 6 weeks, or went in for a routine scan only to find out that their baby’s heart stopped a few weeks back. This is to our detriment because these women become anonymous “others”. They are devastating stories that certainly make you nervous, but they fall into the “them” category and afterall we are not part of that category.

And then it happens to you.

Now you go back and read the same stories, but this time they give you a sense of peace, because you feel part of an empathetic community. You now cling to the fact that you are not alone and that eases your fears that there is something wrong with you.

The bizarre thing is that the few people that I have told my story to so far, many of them have a similar story to tell. Suddenly that anonymous online group has become friendly and close to home. I truly am not alone and so many people that I love and trust have been through similar tragedy.

I am not ashamed of what happened to Derek and I. We went through a shocking, unexpected, devastating loss, which is as much a part of life as any other loss. And yet, for some reason, we are expected to suffer in silence. In fact, at this particular time, the most comforting thing is to read/hear about others whom I know that have experienced the same. And even more wonderful, every single one of these people have gone on to have perfectly healthy, gorgeous babies. I need to hear that. The sharing of mutual pain, loss and love is a vital part of the grieving process.

On the other hand, Derek and I got 6 weeks of absolute bliss as we dreamed about our growing baby and the life journey we were embarking on, but we didn’t allow any one else to share in this joy. We kept it to ourselves because the books told us to. Our baby deserved to be cherished and yearned for as much as any other baby and I took that away from our little Sprout. Our Sprout also deserves to be mourned and grieved for, just like any baby. I am sorry that I took that away from you, my angel.

As I sit here with my broken heart, I know that by sharing my story (which I will do in more detail in a few days), I will be of comfort to others who go through the same terrible ordeal. For some reason, society decided that this loss should be mourned in silent. But it doesn’t have to.

We are not alone in this and I encourage you to share your story too so that others may find comfort, hope and a loving community as they move through what society decided should be kept behind closed doors.

You are not alone and you don’t have to be.

Next time, as soon as that stick shows positive, I will joyfully, proudly and lovingly shout out to the world that…

“We are having a baby! Share in our happiness and celebrate the life of this perfect miracle!!!”

And if that angel should sadly fly on, I will once again share my grief with you and make sure you know that we do not need to grieve in silence. Our baby deserves to be celebrated and mourned.

“Just as you do not know how the life breath enters the human frame in the mother’s womb, so you do not know the work of God who is working in everything.” Ecclesiastes 11:5

I love you Sprout.

To read my current story: My Journey From Miscarriage to Birth, click here.

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